Hey Reader,
The calendar says September. The candy aisle strongly disagrees!
Today, let’s get into…
Why your ‘cringe’ is actually good news!
Every great speaker you love was once a mumbling mess. Every single one. Nobody came out of the womb with a clean open and a strong close. You came out screaming with no structure at all.
One question people ask me all the time is, “How do you actually get good at public speaking when you’re starting from zero?”
Here’s the map. There are four stages.
Everybody walks through all of them.
Stage one: Unconscious incompetence.
You don’t know what you don’t know. You say “um” 40 times in a two-minute wedding toast and walk off feeling like a TED star. Honestly? Kind of a lovely place to live.
And that’s okay. Everybody starts here. We all start out knowing nothing about anything.
Stage two: Conscious incompetence. You watch a video or read up on speaking. Now you KNOW what you don’t know. And now you hear everything. Every um. Every ah. Every “like.” Every “so.” Every “you know what I mean?”
Playing back your own video now feels like listening to a goat stuck in a fence.
This stage stings. But it’s progress!
Here’s the secret about those “ums”. You don’t say them because you’re dumb. You say them because ‘silence’ feels scary. That’s it.
Your brain would rather fill the air with junk than let it sit empty for one second.
The fix is “the pause”.
Stage three: Conscious competence.
You’re doing it, but you still have to think about it. You swap an um for a pause. Meanwhile, your brain is juggling ten new habits at once.
The pauses feel weird. You go quiet for one and a half seconds.
It feels like nine minutes. You’re pretty sure someone in row three is calling for help.
They’re not. They think you sound “thoughtful”.
And it sounds natural, like you meant it. Because you did.
Stage four: Unconscious competence. This is mastery. You don’t think about it anymore. The pause just shows up right where it should.
And it sounds totally natural.
It’s like driving. You don’t say “foot on brake, check mirror, signal left” out loud. You just get home and can’t remember the drive.
So if you’re in stage two right now, cringing at your own playback, good! That ‘cringe’ means you’re growing.
It means your ears got smarter than your mouth.
Your mouth will catch up. (It always does.)
Go let a little silence sit there on your next video. It’s on your side now.
P.S. The hardest part is knowing which step you’re on, since you can’t always hear yourself. Give me 15 minutes.
I’ll listen to what’s tripping you up and hand you tips you can use this week.
(link below)
Stellar Quotes
“Doing it well now is much better than doing it perfectly later.”
Seth Godin
“A flawed finish is a giant victory.”
Elizabeth Gilbert
Revenge for every “old man” joke
My wife was 47 when she picked up a new hobby…
Making fun of ME turning ’50’.
“You think you can handle it, old man?” That kind of thing.
Every day. Sometimes twice before lunch.
She was training for the Olympics of eye-rolling, and I was the only event.
So I planned a “counter-attack”…
I’d throw HER a ‘fake’ 50th birthday party!
First question was ‘where’? A nice hotel seemed perfect. But who spends hotel money on a joke this cheap?
The answer was obvious. Chuck E. Cheese.
(Nothing says “happy birthday, grown woman” like a giant mouse in a vest.)
I started making calls. I emailed everyone I could think of.
And people loved it! I got every Radio host I could, even the ones from the competition. News anchors. Even the Mayor.
Turns out, a lot of people thought this was hilarious!
The price of admission was one “Happy 50th!” card. No gift needed.
(Many brought one anyway. Overachievers.)
On the big day, I made sure we were dressed up. She asked why I wanted a dress shirt on a Saturday. I said we might hit a nice restaurant after.
Then, in the middle of errands, I said, “Hey, we haven’t been to Chuck E. Cheese in a while. I wanna see how it’s changed.”
She thought that was weird. The kids weren’t with us. And they were way too old to care about Chuck E. Cheese by then. But she’s a beautiful soul. She said yes.
At 1:00 on a Saturday, some of the most powerful people in the city were waiting inside a Chuck E. Cheese.
We walked in. You could see her brain trying to do math.
“Why are my mom and aunt here? Why are the anchors from the big networks standing there? Who are these people?”
Then they all started singing Happy Birthday. She almost fell over.
The banners said, “Happy Birthday, Liza!” So did the cards.
So did the cakes.
My favorite part? A big-name news anchor leaned over and whispered, “Royce, I don’t know how you got all these people in one room. A bunch of them hate each other!”
That’s the power of being in on a gag.
Nobody gives up a Saturday for a plain old party. But people will show up for a joke they get to help tell. Rivals will even share a sheet cake.
Is there any greater peace treaty than frosting, Reader?
Same thing works when you talk to a room. Don’t just talk ‘at’ people.
Let them ‘in’ on it. When listeners feel like ‘insiders’, they lean in instead of checking their phones.
Diversions
Your Thoughts
I’m trying to get smarter about what I send you…
Which one best describes you?
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Free Coaching!
Your voice has been with you your entire life, but odds are nobody ever taught you how to “use it”. Let’s fix that. Grab a free discovery call and let’s see what’s possible. No push, no pressure.
We can do it by Zoom or phone, whichever you prefer. https://calendly.com/roycethewriter/royce-coaching-call
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